it’s aries szn so i’m going to talk abt myself for several paragraphs
i have a lot of names. here is my ranking of my preferred names:
favor
favor chujor
fav
homegirl
my legal name – don’t call me by my legal name
for those who know me, you’ll notice favor the greatest isn’t listed. the incredibly observant people in my life even noticed i changed my instagram handle from favorthegreatest to favorchujor.
so here’s the reason.
but first, some context for those who don’t know. i’m not sure how and specifically when it happened, but i became Favor the Greatest sometime in high school. i do remember almost buying a hat from forever 21 (rip for real) that said GREATEST. again, not sure if that was the genesis of this, but it’s worth mentioning.
what i am sure of, though, is that Favor the Greatest became a persona developed out of being raised by a narcissist. being The Greatest shielded me from the reality of my home life. Favor the Greatest brought fans, people who said i Lived In Their Heads Rent Free, people who wanted my validation, people who wanted invites to my parties, but didn’t really want me. if this sounds like celebrity behavior, you’d be correct. and it sucked!
i’ll admit, at first, it felt really good being wanted by others, especially knowing i wouldn’t get the same attention at home. but it got old fast. i felt surrounded by people who cared more abt what i could give them but did little to return the favor. lol.
FTG was a caricature of myself, a shield against the lack of love and respect i grew up with. at the same time, being FTG perpetuated the same behaviors i tried so hard to get away from. i couldn’t have boundaries, i couldn’t say no, i couldn’t let people down without risking the loss of a relationship, i couldn’t hurt people’s feelings. my cup was empty and still, i continued to ensure i didn’t lose my status.
being FTG overinflated my importance in this world when i’m not that important. to quote my middle school band director, “you are special, just like everyone else.” i am special but not that special. being FTG put me on a pedestal, and if you know me, that’s not really my style. i like to hang back. i am ruled by saturn, after all.
speaking of being ruled by saturn, i realized i became more saturnian when i moved to boston. boston gave me permission to be introverted, have stronger boundaries, be tougher than usual, and taught me to mind the business that pays me. these are traits i’ve always admired in women i looked up to, and i could finally embody them, too.
even though i didn’t love living in boston, i am grateful for the woman it helped me become.
so, back to FTG. i’m glad i experienced that era of life because it taught me i never want to have that much attention ever again lol.
often, the only way to learn abt yourself is to become the complete opposite of who you are. sometimes it sticks, and sometimes it doesn’t. this is one of those identities that hasn’t stuck. FTG still shows up every once in a while, but she’s not the star of the show. i am: favor chujor.
favor chujor is a bit of a hardass. favor doesn’t put up with a lot of nonsense. favor chujor likes order, systems, and getting things right the first time. favor chujor spends her time alone, thinking, writing, cooking, and walking. favor chujor believes in the power of the universe and how the universe doesn’t do shit until we put in the work. favor chujor is kind and firm. she is also generous and discerning. favor chujor loves those who love and respect themselves because she loves and respects herself very deeply. favor chujor is just a person and there’s not much anyone can do abt that.
Welcome Home World 
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